Makes My Skin Crawl...

Last week, a FaceBook friend 'shared' a link for a video. She had no idea it was posted under her name, and promptly took it down when I asked her about it. It was very odd for her to post something like it, and when it says "Share to view disturbing video" it is a clue that it is a spam file or a hacker's file.

But the photo posted on the link shocked me to my core.

It was this:

I have something wired in me to be repulsed by this image. I stayed awake that night with the image of these fingertips haunting me. I didn't know why. I prayed for a while asking God to help put my mind at ease so I could get some rest. He didn't. I was worried that I wasn't "letting go" of the image enough to have faith in him taking my, at this point, pain away. My skin was crawling. I felt like there were little bugs crawling under my skin all over my body. I started to feel tinges and tingles on my arms and legs and I started to scratch.

I had given myself hives.

At this point I was furious. I couldn't let this image go. I didn't need to close my eyes to see the white fleshy part of the skin in the image being eaten away by whatever that was in the middle. I was crying into my pillow.

It has been two nights since that night. I hadn't had much relief. I have been so irritable and I can't 'fix' it. My lungs burn and my muscles ache. I want to scream and cry and throw a fit. But, I can't see how doing any of this will make me understand WHY that image bothers me so much.

Today,I was driving my daughter to her gymnastics camp and was seeing the image in the stop lights and tail lights of vehicles.

What is wrong with me? I was yelling at God asking him what this all meant. I knew the image wasn't the issue anymore. It was the fact that I couldn't let it go. What was the message in all of this?!?

Finally tonight, I sat down tonight after supper and enlisted the powers of the Google. I tried to find the image again. I had to see it and find out what it was, but not compromise my identity by clicking on the FaceBook post.

I started thinking about things that just gross me out. I thought if I exposed myself to disturbing things, it would desensitize me. I googled "too many teeth"

I googled "Snake Scales". Those trip me out too.

This grossed me out. But not like those fingers. This wasn't the right avenue. I googled "skin diseases". Bingo. That is where I found that image, and it was labeled "Lamprey Disease". I found other images like it:

Yep. Enough to send me in a tailspin. I couldn't breath. I started itching. I was gagging on thin air. Oh what have I done? I couldn't let it go! I couldn't just let it go and let God's message show itself in his time. Now I will be haunted forever.

I looked at their descriptions, then went to wikipedia and searched "Lamprey Disease". Thankfully, there was no entry. I went to a site that disproved false statements. It said that Lamprey Disease is totally made up by users of PhotoShop to show off their talents. 

Wow. There it is. Closure. I knew what a Lamprey was, and understood that the terrifying image was named after it because of the way it looked. I didn't jump to the conclusion that someone had PhotoShopped its mouth onto flesh and created a disease named for it. 

I was so relieved that it isn't something that could happen to me, or anyone I know and love.

But the image still grosses me out. I can't even think of another word to describe how it affected me, because gross doesn't seem intense enough.

So, I am asking you all. If you have any insights as to why this picture can truly disturb my life, please share. I am now curious, and I need to get some sleep.

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If you have any questions or comments you would like to share directly with me, please email thearmymommy@gmail.com