Attitude Adjustment Accomplished ... For Now

I never cease to be amazed at my Madelyn.

About a month ago, I was ready to consult every parenting book known to man.  I was ready to send a plea for help over FaceBook, and call MWR for help with dealing with children during deployments. I had no idea what to do with Madelyn.

You see, she is seven now. Seven is the new twelve, which is the new fifteen.

Attitude!

I was receiving glares when asking Madelyn to help with a simple task, or to do a favor. She was pushing her sisters, and encouraging them to get into trouble so she could watch them get yelled at.  Madelyn wouldn't get dressed in the morning, wouldn't eat breakfast, and screamed when picked up from school if she had to walk in the cold wind.

I had tried all discipline tactics that I had been exposed to while growing up, plus the behavior modification  skills learned when we studied classroom management in college, and even just ignoring the behavior, hoping for the best.

You know the saying, "It only gets worse before it gets better?" I hung on to that thinking that it had to get better.

She was grounded from clothes. She was grounded from crafts. She was sent to her room.

All to no effect.

Then, one day, I saw a friend had posted on her FaceBook status about how hard it was going through with threats to her child. Her child was displaying attitude and had to be removed from the cheerleading team.

I was almost relieved.  Yey! I am not the only one going through this! I knew I wasn't, but there was someone going through it right this minute!

The next morning, I woke up ready for the offensive. I was going to figure out where all of this is stemming from.

It didn't work. I tried to have a heart-to-heart with her, but she wouldn't be completely honest.  The responses I got were, "I miss my Daddy," and "I want my own room!"

"Fine. Earn it," I replied, as I walked out.

"What?!? I can have my own room?"

"Yep. Earn it."

"How?"

"Papa D is finishing the basement. You can have a room down there. But, you have to show you are old enough for your own room, because right now your behavior is going to land you in a crib at the foot of my bed by nightfall."

"What do I do to show you I am old enough?"

"Let's figure that out together!"

We went to the kitchen and made a responsibility chart.  It included basics like listing chores to do everyday, and items like "Random Acts of Kindness" where she can earn as many stickers a day as she deserves.

We hung the chart and went about our day.

You know what?

It worked!

The next morning, she was up on her own, dressed, had brushed teeth and hair, and was eating cereal at the counter when I got up with Audrey. What was even more glorious was the fact that Hannah does everything her Sissy does, so she was right there by her side.  I was so proud of them.

I secretly wondered how long it would last.

The obvious tasks were completed easily for Madelyn. I would have to remind her that she could earn stickers for the RAK category, and she would jump into action.

Here, four weeks later, she hasn't slowed down. I am so impressed at her behavior, and tell her every opportunity. I am so happy to have my Madelyn back.

I was busy cleaning up after supper and working with Audrey one evening, when I heard Madelyn reading. She had taken the books Hannah had picked out for bedtime, and was reading them to her. She had done that all on her own. It was thirty minutes of me holding back my tears of watching the two of them snuggle on the couch with books.

Just a few days ago, I asked Madelyn to go find Audrey's paci before nap time. I told her it was so important that I would let her have two stickers for that one. She quickly located it and brought it to me.

"Mom?"

"Oh, thanks, babe! That was such a good help!"

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that that was so easy, that I am not going to put stickers up for it."

"Madelyn? Do you realize what has happened? You have been working to earn a material reward this past month. You have been earning stickers towards something you haven't even laid your hands on yet.  Now, you are not earning stickers anymore. You are doing things out of the kindness of your own heart, and that is what love and family is all about."

She just smiled and went back to her fashion design book.

A few days later I bought her a little iPod. She needed something to show off for doing her chart so diligently.  She hugged my neck and started crying when I gave it to her, going on about how neat it was that I got her a pink one.

I asked what songs she wanted me to load on it first.

"Well, how about the worship music from my Praise Baby CD? That way, when I get sad, I can just turn that on so it will calm my heart."

My. Jaw. Dropped.

I never speak that way. She hasn't listed to Praise Baby in ages. Well, probably years. It took me a while to focus on the task.

Wow!

"Sure thing, sweetie! And maybe some Selena Gomez?"

"Well, duh!"

That's my girl!

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If you have any questions or comments you would like to share directly with me, please email thearmymommy@gmail.com